Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I have fence marks all over my body
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
