Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
