We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
