Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
