Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
