that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
