I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
