If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
