I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
