Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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