does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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