You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
What drink are we having for lunch?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
