one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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