All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He passed out mid-signature
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
