Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
