Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
