after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
