I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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