I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
