you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
