your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
