Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
