Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
