I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
