Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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