At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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