The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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