he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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