your thong is hanging out like whoa
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
