ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
