At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
