you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
