The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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