So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
