I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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