Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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