The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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