Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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