Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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