I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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