Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
