Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
