party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
