Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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