worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
