listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
