Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I want a musical about memes.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
