so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
i believe in u and ur pee
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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