You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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