if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
