I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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